I want wind to blow.

3/12/2026 - Something beautiful.

Lately I've been using my brain more. Isn't that a scary thought?

I meant to make a new entry a while before this, but I didn't. I've typed out this a few times already but never got to actually going through with posting it.

In the moment of writing this, I've been pretty busy I'd say. Angel, my friend's album came out. It's about being a trans woman. You should listen to it. I've also been planning a lot of things music wise. Most notably a show coming up 21/4, opening for Weatherday. Pretty cool huh? (You should also listen to them!)

Speaking of being trans: I am in the process of learning makeup. I feel pretty. I fell for the propaganda and got bangs. I feel really pretty. I haven't felt euphoria like this in a while, it's a good feeling. It's a really good feeling. I've always not cared much for my appearance but. Why now? Well. Cause I'm finally not scared. Well. I am. That's a lie. I'm scared but I need to learn to stop giving a fuck about others and be happy. (My mum is letting me borrow me her makeup. Thanks mum. <3 )

This is the part where I add onto what I've written with a very noticable tonal shift. (Awesome)

I wrote that part about a week ago I want to say, can't remember anymore. My memory nowadays is barely existent and I have no perception of time at all. Well. That's just how it is.

Last weekend, I went through practice with my bandmates. (Stumbled through is more apt) Either way, I was taught my own songs. The annotated notes I've written 15 minutes before heading out were of course wrong. Mostly at least. In the small factory building, in a room filled with guitars and gears, I sweat not from the barely working air conditioner but the same sweat I often find myself drenched with - Anxiety. How cool is that.

This is the part where I realise despite having had played shows, they were all on my own. Some with the help of my friend on drums but now in the presence of multiple way more competent musicians and even guitar teachers, I am noticably anxious and confused. Hearing the monitors emanate my voice paralyses me to keep on singing even with the help of my trusty earplugs. My strums shuffle and trip over my lack of practice with a metronome, my concentration hyperfixated on the chords changes. I need to practice more is what I need.

Anyways. There's a sense of thrill too I suppose. I couldn't help but smile in those small moments when things clicked and sounded even better than the album recordings. My friends had learned the parts I've told them to and almost flawlessly not to add. I never thought I'd hear these songs played by a live band let alone opening for a musician that means so much to me. It's getting me excited.

It's not difficult to tell I haven't been feeling well lately. Well, I haven't been feeling well in a small while actually. One time my friends told me: Emo music is not about being sad, it's about being able to look back onto things with different eyes. Or I think that's what they said. It was a while ago. Point being, I shouldn't have to be a tortured artist to make things. I shouldn't have to hate myself or hate my life or hate sex to be a REAL EMO (tm). In all seriousness. Seasons, my latest 'album' was born out of love. And I'm reminded of that each time I get a sale, each time it is mentioned, each time I see a friend listening to it. Hi Carol! (If you're for some reason reading this)

Point is. I've made people feel things through my art no matter how silly they might seem to me and that's already a lot. I can't articulate myself very well most of the time from the overwhelming stream of thoughts that I can't discern from intrusive or not. But! I hope that I can express myself freely and truly in the next album. Thanks Andy by the way, I love you. Thank you. Even if you'll never read this.

From one bedroom to another, from one sad girl to the world. Thank you to whoever read this far.